


In the Eyes of Mara

by SilverDrake



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 09:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3350897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverDrake/pseuds/SilverDrake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a time when even the greatest warrior has to confront her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Eyes of Mara

Tonight I will wear the amulet.

It is ironic how heavy these words feel. Am I not the Dragonborn, a warrior of such might that she can take on a dragon with just a trusty battleaxe in her hands? And yet this is the step that my feet fail to take. As strong as my desire is.

But should not even the greatest warrior one day confront her feelings? To reach out into her steel heart to see that blood still runs through it, yearning for the warmth of another?

So much has changed, after all.

I remember the first time we met. A wet and cold evening, crawling so deep inside my bones that even the fires of Dragonsreach did little to lessen it. I almost missed you back then, one of many strangers. Would you blame me, my clothes still smoldering with dragon fire?

And then the second dragon, the one I fell. Well, the story they tell is way more epic than how it happened. And it seems so far, so long ago, a story about a younger me who's no longer there. I noticed you that time, as I talked to the Jarl. But it was not our time yet. I wanted to make my journey alone, as I always had in the past. Even if it meant meeting the business end of an executioner's axe again.

And yet there was something about that warrior. I figured she could, if anything, come in handy to this outsider's exploration of land I barely knew. So I took you with me. And weren't you so much more than I bargained for.

I've seen warriors, I've seen strength and I've seen valour. But you, you were another thing. The way you would rush at my side as battles commenced, how you would run at anything with whatever you had in your hands at the moment. I've seen you shower enemies in arrows, in magic fire, in sword cuts and axe blows. And never, never once I heard you asking to retreat. No, that I've never heard nor seen.

But I have seen you die.

Yes, I saw you die, Lydia.

It's still clear in my mind to the finest detail, from the architecture to the smell of those Dwemer ruins the cursed name of which I will never put in writing. I knew, I could feel a great threat behind that door, so I told you to stay back. But how could you ever listen to that and still be you.

The Centurion came clanging out of its room, hacking and hissing at us. I had never met anything like it. And for a very rare time, fear took hold of me. I cried at you to get back, to find cover as I thought of a solution. And I ran back. Then I heard your voice. You were shouting at that monster. You weren't just facing it, you were taunting it. But you were so sorely outmatched. I watched in horror as it breathed its foul vapours on you. I came out of my hiding spot, humiliated in my cowardice, but I saw something was very wrong as I approached. I threw myself at the monster and blow by blow I managed to make it fall. And alas it was too late.

You were lying there, unmoving, the essence of life taken from you forever. I shook you, I held you, I called your name time and time again, alone in those horrible depths, but only a deformed echo answered my calls. I cried, Lydia, I cried, I clawed at myself in my rage, I invoked the Nine and even the Daedric lords themselves. No price would be too high.

Maybe I will never know who or what listened to my desperation in that place, but something did. Suddenly, like waking up from a dream, I found myself back to where we stood just a few minutes before, the Centurion coming screaming at us and you raising your axe at it. And again I ran. But this time at it. Better to meet my end in protecting you than living with the burden of your loss, I thought. So I threw myself at him and through him, pushing it aside and luring him to follow me. Nine, wasn't I bleeding when you finally sent it crashing behind me. But it was well worth it, not for my dignity and honour but for your proud Nord smile beaming back at me once again. We had survived. We, the very first time what I saw it.

I wondered what happened for a long time, and to this day I have no answer. Who or what granted me a second chance? Never in our travels I found as much as a hint, and maybe I never will. But I know that, shortly after that, you reminded me how you were still you to the bone. I had kept my distance, both for shame and worry, and ended up alone on a narrow mountain path when a Blood Dragon rose in front of me and attacked. I admit I had slipped in my vigilance, and the attack caught me by surprise and nearly finished me there and then. I tried to counter, and to protect myself, but I needed a better field. So I ran along the side of the mountain, finding new steps and arches and turns, and escaping its fiery breath several times. But it was a treacherous beast, smart enough to stay just back enough that I couldn't hit it with shouts or my weak destruction spells. I had to keep running.

I reached the mountaintop, and the ancient wall that held the Nord incantations of old. And I was trapped. I thought maybe that was it, maybe that was the price for a life to be saved. So I turned to face the monster, head and my faithful battleaxe held high, and waited for the torrent of fire to annihilate me. And what sweeter sound than a Nord warcry could ever come. And it was your voice, my friend hurling herself at the mighty beast with the joy of a true warrior. That was all the opening I needed, and I gathered my strength to jump at the dragon and sunk my blade in its side, and then its wings until he turned in a fury only to see the blade crack right through its skull.

I always wondered if, in your admiration for this unworthy Dragonborn, you ever realised that you saved my life. And not just that day. All the nights we talked around the campfire, all the crushing marches through this harsh land, all those days when we dragged each other through mud and rain and snow. And I saw day after day how much more than the tired warrior that came to Skyrim you made me. No shouts or quests or powers could make me what you helped me grew into.

And I know, my Lydia, that a day may come when the risk of losing you will be too much and I might ask you to stay safe and give me someone to come back alive to. I pray that day never comes.

But until then, let us be merry and deadly and never be shaken in our devotion to each other. May our bond cut through the hordes that we still have to face, and may it see us both recounting our deeds together in the years to come. And may, as far in time as possible, Sovngarde see us enter hand in hand, in triumph.

Tonight I will wear the amulet, my love. I pray your eyes will notice and your voice will speak. For I will answer.


End file.
